Ep 148. Have you ever felt that you have completely lost your identity inside a relationship? Or ever struggled with identifying your feelings until another person either helps you… or prevents you from having to metabolize those feelings altogether? This episode has been a long time in the making. What is codependency really, and how does it tie into the deep shame that women so often feel in so many parts of our lives— our productivity, our bodies, our relationships? Why does it feel so deeply woven into our lineage + society, and the ways in which we were taught to love and be loved? Vanessa Bennett, relationship therapist and author of The Motherhood Myth, is breaking down the science behind codependency, why romantic relationships are one of the only socially sanctioned addictions in our culture, and tangible tools to address dysfunctional attachment when it does appear. We are diving into what codependency looks like in real, day-to-day relationships, and why we tend to  show up differently with different people. She breaks down why both men and women carry a deep "choose me" wound, and how this can evolve into codependency if not questioned. Thank you all so much for listening, and Happy New Year!

HERE'S THE JUICE:

 

• Why shame and the fear of abandonment are often the two throughlines that exist in everybody who struggles with codependency 

• Vanessa takes a deep dive into the science of codependency and what it often looks like day-to-day in romantic relationships 

• Why is it so important to identify if the system we are operating in is coming from a place of lack vs. enhancement 

• The truth about why we show up differently in different relationships and why attachment styles are often a spectrum with different people, as opposed to a finite label 

• The history behind why both men and women often have a "choose me" wound 

• How values have changed in the last 100 years and why our lineage often plays into how we experience attachment, highlighting how attachment for women has gone from a place of need to a place of want ONLY in the last 50 years 

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